Yesterday was a very emotional day. I woke up to a frost that almost seemed to reflect my mood. I felt hazy, weird and it was all quite surreal.
It was surreal because I was still in shock, because it was the day that we were meant to say goodbye to one of our uni friends.
He was such a young, caring, outgoing and funny person, the type of person that would strike up a conversation with anyone, the type of person you could talk to forever. He would make you smile, laugh and he was really fun to hang out with.
Therefore it didn’t seem real or right that yesterday was the day to say goodbye. Sometimes you wish you had one extra moment, one extra bit of time to enjoy that person’s company again. That extra moment where you can savour every moment because after all life is too precious and we take too many things for granted, including friendship.
I went to Hackney Central station to meet my other friend from Uni and we greeted each other with a sombre “hello”. No hugs, no smiles as we were both aware of what we were going to do. We spoke but not really as both of our minds were elsewhere.
By now the sun had come out and this reminded me of Marcus – the sun was shining for him.
The funeral service was good but emotional and one poem written by Tooran Nashir stuck in my mind.
“Be happy for me as I am free now, in a better place, with no more hurt or pain……………..
If I told you I am in heaven now would you call me back to pain? No! If I really know you. Please do not weep.”
Such a beautiful poem, so much truth, so much feeling, so descriptive of the situation, yet also when hearing it being read, it was very hard to hold back the tears. But as the Priest advised, we should let go of our emotions and embrace our feelings, do not hold them in but let it all go.
I was glad I didn’t wear mascara as there would have definitely been streaks of black running down my cheeks. As it was my eyes were watering and nose was dripping and the more I tried to hold back, the more the tears wanted to flow.
My thoughts were with the family and the more I thought about them and how they must be coping, how they were so strong, how they must be hurting at losing a loved one, the more I felt sad too.
Like the priest said and also words of Marcus’s – Peace, Love and Joy. May we wish all the family and close friends struggling to cope that they will find peace, love and joy as I know Marcus now has.
After the service, we made our way to Forest Gate for the committal and the family let off purple and white balloons. They looked so pretty and the funny thing is they all stayed together, all flying high towards the clouds with such elegance and so much meaning.
After the cemetery we headed back to continue the remembrance of Marcus’s life at a really intimate venue. There were slide shows of precious moments which were lovely to see. The food was great, the atmosphere although sad was filled with lots of positivity and great stories of Marcus. The family and friends who helped organised the day did such a fantastic job. It was such a lovely service and so many people turned up. Marcus touched so many people’s lives and if anything that was evident in the turnout yesterday.
I smile thinking about Marcus and although he might physically not be with us on this frequency, he is still around us. He is still laughing, joking and smiling at us. Pointing his finger and chuckling, eating his umpteen snacks and trying out the latest thing. He is with the angels now and has no pain, no suffering, no more illness. His legacy will live on through his family and friends who are all so lovely and welcoming.
I realised when the lanterns were lit yesterday night that it wasn’t goodbye but merely until we meet again.
God bless you Marcus. x