Well it has been well and truly over a year!! I’m quite shocked actually, however it goes to show how quickly one can get out of a routine. Hopefully I will be sticking to this one as I actually forgot how much I miss writing. So here goes!!
Due to my long departure, there is well over a year’s worth of stuff that I could talk about, so please bear with me. I will try to break it down into bite-size portions:
- Relationship on/off as usual
- Mixture of emotions – angry, depressed, sad and even more depressed as I had plummeted to the biggest I had ever been. Real heifer in the making!
- Lots of holidays – Cuba, Miami, Morocco, Berlin, Madrid
- Trying to keep fit yet weight not shifting
- New years eve in Madrid
- Started weight loss plan
- Holidays to Benidorm, Majorca
- More relationship troubles
- Mega argument in Majorca led to final breakup in June
- Extra stay in Majorca
- Turned 30 and Ibiza fun
- Started focusing on getting new website for Talent Reel redesigned
- Left work and went on a Cuba holiday
- Lost two stone since January
- Moved back to London
- Started embarking on contract work in Marketing as a freelancer
- Couldn’t be more happier
There has definitely been a lot that has happened over the past year but one of the major milestones for me is the change in myself. Reflecting on things now makes me think why I didn’t change my scenario a long time ago. What was I holding on to? We definitely were not in something substantial as there was a loss of respect on both parts. Looking back on past blogs, it has been about the ups and downs of our relationship and most of them were down. Sometimes you have to face up to things and we obviously both didn’t and it took for something drastic to happen for both of us to finally see sense. The truth of the matter was, we were never really truly suited to one another, we both wanted different things, we held on to something just because it was easier than finally letting go. We were toxic for each other and if I ever get into another relationship like that again, God help me realise those tale tell signs early and make me stick to my gut feeling.
It was there from the beginning but I chose to ignore it. It’s amazing what we can put ourselves through in life, just because we get comfortable. Just because we say it’s easier to stay together than to break up. It’s the same old excuses – familiarity, not having to deal with anything new, not letting someone see you naked again, not having to go through the whole dating thing, having to get to know someone again. So what does that make us? It makes us lazy and stupid. Why stick with something that we are not happy with just because its convenient and we are too scared to venture back out there??
The thing is we have control over our lives and do not have to be in anything we don’t want to. Yes hard work is sometimes needed in relationships but if it is at the detriment to your mental health and happiness, then its time you did the offsky and call it a day!!
So what if you are scared of meeting someone new, exposing the feelings, letting yourself be vulnerable again – it’s all part of life, so embrace it and don’t stick around in something that isn’t right for you or both of you!
I feel like a new woman now, I am happy, I have lost the weight. I am not so angry any more. It’s amazing how you can turn into something and how a relationship that is bad for you can make you turn into something so horrid. You are surrounded by negativity, you put yourself down, you are not happy and you can easily blow at anytime.
Fast forward a few months and you are so much more positive, feeling blessed, and can take on so much more and not let silly things get to you. It goes to show what a change in circumstance can do for you.
I’m back in London, back with friends and loving every minute of it. It’s time for the real me to start shining again. Thank God as I have missed her!!