Well It has been over two weeks since the split and how do I feel? Honestly? Confused and unsure and my favourite term at the moment is “I just don’t know”. It’s weird as when you spend an incredible amount of time with someone at first it hurts to be apart and all you can do is think about them but as time goes by- you start to realise that you actually are your own person and sometimes it’s nice to have your OWN time. When you are in a relationship, you tend to both lose a bit of your individual characters and instead you become merged-and you can lose that focus on yourself.
Day in day out, you become stuck in a same shit, different day routine with so many aspects of your life that it is no surprise that
relationships are any different. You forget how you used to be and you forget what you really wanted to do. You neglect yourself and
your friends and family and you also forget how the beginning of the relationship was fun, exciting and something to look forward to-
where to go next, taking a real interest in what is going on in each
other’s life and genuinely really excited to meeting up again. So why
do we lose this? Why do we forget about what we really want to do-
why do we become lazy with ourselves and with our partners?
I don’t know the answer but relationships take up a lot of time and so maybe it is easy to let things slip-“I haven’t got the time”
becomes the next best catch phrase, which is weird because before
you had a partner, I’m sure we all had the time to do the things we
wanted to do or go and catch up with friends and family. It just becomes harder to do so as we focus all our spare time into the
relationship but then is this a good thing-surely we shouldn’t lose
ourselves in the process or become lazy at what we want?
Anyway I met up with my ex last week to discuss everything and I must say this was the first time both of us actually laid our cards on
the table. It was nice as we were able to explain our frustrations
and where we go from here. So where do we go? Well we will be
going on dates and will see where it goes from there-we both need
to concentrate on the things we want to do for ourselves. We need
to not spend too much time together but when we do-really take the
time to listen and make it special. We need to bring the romance and the care and appreciation back into our time together. I don’t
know if we will end up back together but if we do it won’t be right
now. I love him but I need to do me first and we both need to learn
to appreciate each other and once we have that sussed then we can
get a bit deeper involved if that turns out to be what we both want.
I do know that I really look forward to our date nights and we even have a romantic trip to Jersey planned for Valentines so we will just have to watch this space!
I am enjoying spending time with family and friends and sorting out the bits and pieces I had been missing out on. I have also joined a street dance class and pole dancing class and due to start Latin dance next month-so I am slowly getting back on track and I’m liking doing different things.
I know there is still anger inside which I have to address, at the moment I am keeping an eye on it and maybe it will disperse or maybe I will need to speak to someone but for now I will just have to see.
I watched the breakup yesterday-how ironic but how true. I seriously feel that men and women are completely different and the key to getting over that is communication.
Until the next