Well last week was the week of our last-minute trip to Fuerteventura well what a boozy few days. We started of our journey by getting tipsy and carried this on at the bar at Gatwick -Gatwick is too far! Anyway before we knew it, we were on the plane snoring with our mouths open for all of the other passengers able to gawk and laugh at us. I awoke realising my mouth was wide open and hoping I hadn’t missed the in flight meal- whoo hoo- I didn’t.
And then it was time to land – Canary Islands here we come. My cousin and I were so excited and as soon as we got off the plane we could feel the heat hit us – it was lovely. It was also time to get beside that pool.
We boarded our transfer and couldn’t wait to arrive at the hotel. We arrived shortly afterwards at Bronzemar Beach hotel that stated it was 3* plus. 3* plus my arse!
Anyway it was nice enough at first glance and we found our way to our room which was an apartment and we were pleasantly surprised. We had our own little apartment in an all-inclusive resort- it was quite nice.
Bags down and bikinis on and then we were out to the pool and straight on the sun loungers with a drink or two. We happened to choose the sun loungers that were furthest away and so after the second time to the bar I decided that I would cut my time in half by going through the swimming pool and out the other end and then back again – being ever so careful not to spill a drop of drink into the pool.
Evening came and so did the cockroaches -yes cockroaches!! I first noticed one when I was in the shower and it was next to me on the bath side. It was on its back dead but it was only playing dead – the clever fucker- I can’t stand them errrrhhh.
Anyway once I highlighted this to my cousin- she screamed and then I screamed so we both screamed. She can’t handle them and neither can I so we decided to cover it with a piece of tissue. Only thing is, it took me about 20 minutes to pluck up the courage to put the tissue over it.
Then I heard another scream- my cousin had noticed a small one crawling on the floor and then the big daddy on the kitchen wall- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
We couldn’t get out of their fast enough and reception’s answer was to use the spray they gave us. These fuckers survive a nuclear war so what use is a spray – still I took it just in case.
Anyway we stayed up as late as possible and went to a spanish concert. This was really good and I enjoyed myself, however there were a few locals who didnt appreciate us being there and had a few sniggers every time we went near them. Oh how I wish I was fluent in Spanish to understand what the bitches were saying. Anyway by the 4th time I did this – I was getting rather aggravated about it as they weren’t trying to disguise what they were doing. So I did the best thing and I beat the shit out of them- only joking. I conquered them by laughing. I looked at them and started doing exactly what they were doing but I did it better- I laughed so loudly that they started getting really paranoid and I continued until I actually nearly started crying with laughter. At this point they walked away and disappeared from the concert- result!!
Well at about 5.30am we returned to the hotel and just flaked.
I awoke in the morning to the sound of what sounded like clicking. I alerted my cousin and we both made a quick getaway as we had a good idea of what it was.
Well we hung around and waited for our rep to ask to be moved and she said she would look into it. In the meantime I went back to the room to use the toilet and sat down on the loo- mid way through doing the business and then I saw the daddy running toward me along the side of the bath. I screamed and jumped up from my seat and went to run out with my pants round my ankles but remembered I needed to wipe first. I soooo scared and felt like I couldn’t face it but I couldn’t go out side either so I had to brave it. Armed with the cockroach spray I entered the bathroom and with one hand wiped myself whilst the other sprayed violently at the cockroach in the toilet brush- the fucker just wasnt dying.
After that I just ran out the apartment, locking the keys in the room in the process but I didn’t care as long as I got the hell out of there. We then pestered our rep again who was lovely and sorted things out for us.
Yes yes yes- we stayed out getting drunk until our upgrade was ready. So at 8pm we packed our bags and couldn’t leave fast enough to get to our nice new room. I was rushing so much to get out of there (and probably because I was drunk) that I left my coat- which I never got back!
Anyway the rest of the holiday was filled with sun, booze and more booze oh and some karaoke- how funny we cant sing to save our lives! We met some lovely people and made the most of it and just counted ourselves lucky that even though we fell ill on the last day- we didn’t contract gastroenteritis like the 50 other guests did!!
Until the next …..