So it’s been a busy few months with lots of exciting things happening. There have been feelings of elation to feelings of anxiety – anxiety about putting my life experiences out there for all to see, criticise or judge when I published my book. Anxiety concerning getting everything on track with the family business, my life, my goals, and anxiety about where the next bit of money will come from since I invested all my savings into enjoying life and making a different future for myself.
I must be honest – it’s been a hard battle at times. Trying to remain optimistic and positive when there is not enough regular work coming in to pay the bills yet still focusing on my goals and the business and believing that it will all work out in the end!
Sure there might be the odd acting job or a tiny bit of revenue from the book, which I am immensely grateful for but this period of transition from working full time and having money to not working full time with limited money but doing something you enjoy is hard to justify to yourself let alone anyone else!
I’m persevering though and trying to flush away the doubting devil that makes his way into your mind. You know the one that constantly tells you it’s a bad idea, the one responsible for making you worry, panic and feel really isolated?
It’s a battle but I have to remind myself that despite it all things have been good, real good. My book made Amazon’s best seller list, our products have been ordered from China and are being manufactured as I write this and I’m getting more acting work come in – yay!
These past couple of months have also included travel. I have visited Ireland, Norway, Hungary and Morocco to see my new-born baby brother!
I never realised how much joy a new baby can bring into the world. It’s amazing how any worries you once had or any grudge can be forgotten in an instance once you see this pure bundle of joy looking up at you. Completley innocent, completely dependant and content with the basic things we take for granted – food, love, and comfort.
Despite all my worrying, this trip helped remind me that things can really be simple. As adults we are moulded and conditioned to think we have to conform to a certain way, that we are restricted in life. That we should be at certain points in our life by a certain time.
However, it needn’t be that way. Who cares if you haven’t bought a house yet or are not settled down with kids, or you still don’t know what you want to do in life? It’s fine to take a step back and most importantly be grateful for things we often take for granted – food, shelter and health.
It’s fine to experiment and explore to find out what you want or like in life. It’s fine to not commit to a job, a house, a relationship if you are not ready.
Do what you want to do, take time out and don’t be pressurised into doing something because “that’s what people do.”
We have one life, let’s not cloud it with the stresses and strains of what society dictates we should be doing. Dust off that doubting demon and instead live, laugh, love and most importantly enjoy.